Take chances. Abandon all the rules. Ditch the recipe. Color outside the lines.

Friday, March 7, 2014

10 Reasons I Suck at Doing Church

Ok, so maybe the title should be amended to read “10 Reasons I Suck at Doing TRADITIONAL Church” but for those of you who are long time readers I think you already knew that.  I am child of ministers so I’m fairly certain that I spent more time in a pew than I did at home for the majority of my childhood.  I've heard just about everything when it comes to “church rules” and conversely have tried to break as many as possible.  Now life and love and the wonder of grace has led me down a new path that leaves me free to worship God how I choose (which is pretty fantastic) but just for kicks, I thought I’d write something about why I’d really suck at church if I hadn't found that path.  So, here you are, 10 reasons I suck at church:

  1. I am really bad a quiet times.  This may have something to do with the fact that I am just not good at quiet in general.  Even when I’m still (which is rare) I have music playing or a TV show on in the background.   Also, I've found that I learn much more studying the Bible as it pertains to certain doubts I have rather than studying a workbook.

  2. I don’t like being put in a box or labeled by a denomination.  Don’t ask me to sign a church constitution, this isn't 1776.

  3. I’m no good at prayer.  Well, normal church type prayers, that is.  If you ask me to pray know that it will sound more like a conversation than a somber address to a higher power.  I am definitely going to move around a lot and I don’t close my eyes.  God and I are one, why should I have to talk to Him any differently than I do to everyone else?

  4. I’m not very good at masking my emotions.  I don’t play the “I’m fine” game when I’m at church.  If I’m not ok, I don’t hide it.

  5. I curse too much.  Hell, ass, and damn are in the Bible, which means we can use them, right?

  6. I've never been good at following the rules.  If you tell me I can’t get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the sermon it just creates an unstoppable urge to pee.  Also, if coffee is not allowed in your sanctuary then your service shouldn't start until after 10:30, just saying!

  7. I create a mosh pit of one during worship.  Music just gets me going! I tend to be the one up front head banging to Marvelous Light and have been known to throw the “rock on” sign to the worship leader.

  8. I don’t do dresses.  Dresses are just awkward! I never know how to sit in them and if I drop something I have to use my Jedi mind powers to pick it back up without showing everyone my sexy Wonder Woman underwear.  My femininity isn't defined by my attire.  Also, to tack on to this, I am a fan of women being leaders in the church.  Don’t tell me just because I have boobs, I can’t preach.

  9. I like living out of balance.  I have this ongoing conversation with a friend of mine about balance versus completion.  I don’t want to live a life mixing a little bit of grace with a little of my efforts.  I don’t ride the fence and I am not watered down.  I don’t think God is either.  He loves in excess, forgives in extreme, and gives endlessly.  He’s a one hundred percenter- 100% grace and 100% truth, not a mix of half and half.  We were 100% sinful and now we are 100% righteous, completion not balance.

  10. Ain't nobody got time for that! Really, I just don’t have time to sit and argue over religion or meaningless theology.  I love Jesus and I know that He loves me and gives me ALL of His favor ALL the time.  That’s really all that matters to me, the rest… it’s just fluff. 

What about you?  How do you suck at church?

Aren't you really glad we don’t have to be good at “doing church” to hang out with God?

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